Happy New Year, everybody! I know that it is February, but better late than never. I have decided to stay home and go to school and work and save money for my trip to France with my cousin in June. I have a lot that i still need to do in preparation for school, like actually apply to PCC, and for Europe, like visit the doctor for the first time in maybe ten years, and get a passport, learn a little bit of french, and figure out how i am going to pack for an entire month. Lets just say that i have my work cut out for me.
     Fast sundays are always hard for me. I get hungry really quickly and I use a lot of energy when I don't even mean to, and it makes church seem like it is taking four years to get over. However, I always feel like it is a fresh start for me physically. I go one day without eating and drinking, and it makes me want to be better. Exercise more, eat better, usually I never do, but this month I feel like I need to do better on my health. Something to work on. I also need to start fresh spiritually. I am re-reading the Book of Mormon because I feel that I need to pay more attention to what I am reading, and that I need to study it more. I am also challenging myself to memorize all 100 scripture mastery scriptures again this year. I think that that could be a good goal.
     That is all I have to say right now.
                                        Until next time,
                                                    Determined.

One Month Down!!!

Okay, so I realize that I haven't posted on my blog in a long time. Possibly because I have been too busy or nothing extremely exciting has happened. WELL today is different!!! This morning I had History 101 which is the class I am most afraid of, and at the end of class he announced that he had progress reports for us. Me and my friend Marin started to panic because we had no idea what our grade would be in the class, but we were hoping for a C. So we wait for our names to be called, and Mom you would appreciate that he started with the end of the alphabet, so Marin and I looked together, and she has a B and I have an A in the class!!! We seriously got so excited because we thought that we were failing, so we went to the student center and got smoothies at freshens, which is a smoothie and yogurt place. And my professor told us that we don't have class on friday!!! I am so excited!!! This has been a great wednesday so far. I do have A LOT of homework to do though, but I feel like I can do it because I am so happy!!! That is all:)

Wow.

Oh goodness. This week was pretty crazy for me. It seems like all I did was homework which involved a lot of reading. Too much in my opinion. I am starting to feel less and less homesick, but sometimes I will see something that reminds me of home and I want to go back so bad! There are people that I have met that live like twenty minutes away from the campus so they can see their family anytime, and I get so jealous! I would love to be able to go home on an afternoon to see what was happening. But I can't, and that makes me sad. I have made some new friends here, two of them are guys, and one I am sort of becoming friends with, we have the same classes tuesdays and thursdays and we sit next to each other in class, so I am hoping that something will come out of that:) College is interesting. I like it, but at the same time I think it is weird, and I want to go home. My roommate agrees... That is about it for this update... I will probably write again tonight as more thoughts will pop into my head. Until next time, Cured.

Sunday

         Sundays are my favorite days of the week. A time to relax, to ponder, read the scriptures and be with family. Oh how I miss that last one. Sundays here at college, on the other hand, never really feel like sunday. Maybe it is because I am on my own, with other people that are not my family, and my church meetings are held in a classroom in my history building. Doesn't have the same feeling. That is why I miss home so much. It actually felt like sunday when I was there. I know, I know, stop thinking about home! You can't be homesick anymore! But that is the problem with Sundays. They give me too much time to think and wonder about home, and too much time to think of what I would be doing if I were at home. I miss it way too much. More than I should, I feel. I start my second week of school tomorrow, and I am just hoping that this week and the weeks to follow will go by really quickly so I can come home. I have been thinking this morning about next semester, and if I should come back to BYU-I or stay home and go to community college. I keep wanting, so desperately in my heart, for the Lord to give me a reason to stay home when the option of next semester comes. Just so I don't have to decide by myself. Because we all know how much I love making decisions and how good I am at it...or not. But then, I think to myself, should I just stick it out another semester after this one ends, just to see if I really do belong here? Because what if an amazing opportunity comes while I am here in the spring and I might have missed out on it if I stayed home? Holman's are not quitters. My mom and dad always tell me that. maybe that is why I am being so hard on myself. If i don't come back, will I feel like I quit? But my sister didn't go even though she was all signed up and ready! And my cousin quit after one semester! So what about me? What am I supposed to do? Once again, I am over thinking things. But I feel it is better to put my thoughts in writing rather than bottling them up and stressing myself out about them. See, too much time to think on Sundays. Way too much time to think. Maybe I need to readjust my thinking direction. Instead of thinking if I will come back or not, maybe I should think about what I want to teach when I finally graduate. If I ever do... Well, I have a meeting at 11:50, so I should probably eat some food and go. Until next time, Thoughtful.

One Week Down... Twelve To Go!!!

     Well, I did it!!! I survived my first week of college, but not without great difficulty... as you can tell from my previous posts... I have had a lot of time to re-adjust my thinking and lots of time to pray for help and comfort... and I just gave in to reality! I finally realized that I can't turn back at this point so why cry and worry about something that I don't have to worry about yet! My classes are pretty good, but my favorite class (so far) is American Foundations learning about the constitution, the PROPER role of government, and I will be learning much more about how our country works. Or should work. After thinking about it, I feel that my interest in teaching is changing from History (although I love learning about the past) to political science or something along those lines. I just love learning about how things work in this country and in others, and I feel like I might want to teach it. Because honestly, someone needs to teach the kids (the kids... gosh I was one three months ago sitting in a high school classroom) how government should work. I mean, I didn't even know what checks and balances are! Wow. My thoughts might change further down the road, but at least I am trying to figure out what to do.
     It was interesting though. In my apartment (that is weird to say) we have a full length mirror at the end of the hallway and as I was walking to exit the hallway to enter the kitchen, something caught my eye in the mirror... It was me... For the first time I saw my reflection and I saw someone different. I saw me, but I saw me as an eighteen year old in college growing up. I saw myself, for the first time, as an adult. I have never thought much about myself accomplishing great things, because I was never good in school, not popular, not the best at one certain thing, but I saw myself different. I saw myself as an eighteen year old taking a big step by going to college in a different state, living on my own away from my parents, and trying to do something that I am completely scared of. Something I never thought I would do. Looks like my parents raised me right, and my siblings didn't completely destroy me through the process. I hope that as this semester goes on, I will be able to continue to see myself as an eighteen year old adult with purpose and, finally, a little confidence to step out of my bubble. Like today, I sat by a guy in class instead of by myself or next to a girl! And I am going to go to the student center (the MC for future references) and do my homework there so I don't feel like I have been keeping myself cooped up in my apartment! Yay! I have to go to the library anyway, and the MC is right there, so why not. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can push myself to greater limits and really test my sense of duty (Pirates of Penzance;) to prove myself worthy to everyone I know and to myself. Maybe this is exactly what I need being here in college. A chance to figure myself out and get to know me as an adult, and not continue on with the adolescence I already know. Very well I might add... Not to say I don't still miss home, because I desperately long to be there and watch Ty and Ruby grow up and be apart of their lives even more than I already am!
     Last night I facetimed with my sister so I could talk to her and the kids, and so I said goodnight to the kids and almost started to cry as I found out that Ty practically has a girlfriend, and Ruby is almost three, and then I talked with stephanie for about half an hour. Never have I loved her more than I do now. I talked to her like she is my best friend, and I realize that she is... I actually have three, my mom stephanie and tenley, but that isn't the point. The point is I have a big sister who loves and cares for me, and I love to hear everything that she has to say, especially about project runway;) I am so thankful that I have her as a sister and someone to look up to. I couldn't have asked for a better one, or for better timing on our relationship as friends and sisters. Thank you Stephanie for everything that you have done, and everything that you will do for me as I... learn about college life and the frustration that it will continue to bring me. Well, I better do my homework so I can watch a movie tonight!!! Yay for fridays:) Till next time, Content.

3 Months Away...

       Today I finished my second day of college. Only my second day. I have a very strong feeling that this is going to be a very long three months. I am and have been super homesick, I am really scared of my history class, and I have been on my knees so much these past five days. College is hard, and a lot different than I thought it would be. I thought that when I got here, I would be in one of my classes sitting next to a guy who would start talking to me, we would get to know each other, and start dating. I also thought that I would have a different feeling of when I got here, and that all my questions would be answered. But reality is so much different than reality. I have maybe talked to two guys, met some cool people but haven't really clicked with anyone. My feelings since I have been here these past five days have been crazy ones. It might be my homesickness talking, but I keep wondering if by the end of the semester, I will find that being at a university and I don't get along well, but I keep asking myself why am I here? Is it to become a teacher like I know I am supposed to be? Is it to obey the prophet's words to get an education? Because knowledge will be what you take with you in the end. Is it to find an eternal companion? Or is it to test my faith and obedience and push myself to utter breakdowns every day I try my best? I was never really super excited to go to college, I was more scared, curious, and nervous about it.
       Once I started moving my things in to my room, however, my nerves went to excitement, being ready to start a new adventure. And then my parents went home and I had an almost nervous breakdown about printing, I had my first class with a reading I didn't immediately understand I got stressed, and reality kicked in. It kicked in hard. What if I do find that I am not meant for college? or at least a big scary university? How can I become a teacher if I don't go, but what if I can't handle it, how am I supposed to become a teacher? I am also doubting that I want to be a history teacher... I think it might become more of a hobby, learning about history. But I can't answer any of these questions because it is only my second day here! Everyone said that I will have so much fun in college! And my parents were saying that I am meant to be here... How am I supposed to know? What am I supposed to do? Really I am just scared of the future, and not being able to see myself as a teacher. How am I supposed to become a teacher, if I can't see myself teaching? I really needed to let my thoughts out, and I hope those that read will keep me in their prayers, and pray to help me know what to do. I should probably finish my homework now... Sincerely, Undecided.

Hello Rexburg!!!

I am now in Rexburg Idaho looking forward to starting a new adventure known as college! I have been at BYU-Idaho for four days now, and it already has opened my eyes to lots of new things. My roommates are amazing and my actual roomie is a freshman, and the only one besides me in my apartment... :) I have already realized how much my mother did for me. Already I am starting to run out of milk, and I keep thinking when will a new gallon appear? Well, it will appear when I go get it with my own money... She has done everything for me, and I miss her cooking so much! Then there is my dad whom I miss just as much. Right after they left I was trying to put together a document holder,  unbeknownst to me, it included screws, which requires a screwdriver which my dad has... I wanted to call him and tell him to turn around and come back because I need him! Then I think of my sister and what an amazing friend she is to me. She has taught me so much about getting older and growing up, and she and Aaron have given to the whole family the cutest two people on the planet, Ty and Ruby. Oh how I miss them!!! I miss seeing their smiling faces everyday and getting the biggest hugs from Ruby, and an amazing tale from Ty. My classes haven't even started yet, but I feel homesick. My brothers, my sisters-in-law, my grandma, pepper our dog, and especially riley my cat. Yes Shawn and Dad, I finally admit it. Riley is my cat:) I miss home a lot but I am looking forward to starting this new life with new people and many new adventures.

A New Start

Okay, for those of you who follow my blog, I am sorry that I have not posted in forever, I am not much of a blogger... But I am posting now so here I go.
          High School is now over and a second journey will begin shortly. In September I will be making my way to Rexburg, Idaho to attend Brigham Young University-Idaho and study History Education. I finally have everything figured out, from classes all the way to housing. I am very much scared to be starting this journey but I am also excited to start what will be the rest of my life. I have never lived on my own before so I am a little nervous about that and I am very much a home-body... I know, though, that everything will be alright and that once I step foot in my new house (apartment), I will forget every emotion that I had up to that point and be so ready to live! I will, however, only be gone for three months at a time so I don't have to worry about being too home sick, and my mom won't have to wait six months to see me again, only three:) So, I am preparing to go to college and learn what I need to learn, make my own mistakes, and learn even more to rely on the Lord. So let the games begin!

Oh school...

Alrighty. well, officially school is bugging the heck out of me, and it hasn't started. I had a dream a couple nights ago about my schedule(because I don't get my schedule until Sep. 1 and it is bugging me), and my first period class was divination. you know, like in Harry Potter. yup. Freaking out. Also, I am freaking out about college. I have to take the ACTs again because i need to bump my score up to really qualify for BYU and i need to study for that, and i am taking the SATs in November. so, i am pretty much college concerned!!! for, now, i am anticipating getting my schedule in less than two weeks, and I really really really want to know who my teachers are. So, those are my feelings today!

Update

Here is an update for the last month. I went to Utah to visit my brother and family and it was my first plane ride ever, so it was pretty amazing. the guy who was sitting next to me said that this flight was about the 200th flight he has been on so that comforted me a bit:) so i spent about a week with Brent in South Jordan and we went to see David Archuleta and brad paisley in concert and the BYU Stadium of Fire. it was pretty amazing. the firework display pretty much rocked! after i got home i got to go to Youth Conference for church and that was... exciting.
On July 14, my best friend Tenley and I went to wait in line for 7 hours to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, and like usual, it was freakin AMAZING! i love it! then i had to pack for another church event, Girls Camp. this year was my last year and my second year of being a Youth Camp Leader(YCL) and it was probably the best year ever! tenley and i were partners and we got to be in charge of 8, 13 year old girls that are probably the greatest girls ever! we had mice in our cabin the first day but we quickly took care of that, and it rained most of the week, except for the last two days, and on saturday as tradition, people are thrown into the pool, and i promise you that that was the last thing i wanted to have happen to me. so when one of my friends came after me, i escaped her grasp and ran for the lodge, leaving behind my shoes. So i went back to get my shoes and my YCL leader picked me up from behind and threw me into the pool, and Tenley got thrown in in her sweats and sweatshirt. greatest thing EVER!
So now i am back home for good for the summer, and two saturdays ago, i went to go take my permit test, and was waiting for almost an hour and when i was fourth in line, they closed the line down. so i was pretty mad about that. but then on tuesday i went to take it early in the morning, and i was seated at booth 5 and i took the test and failed miserably, so that put a damper on my day. So yesterday i went again and this time i only missed two questions and I GOT MY PERMIT!!!!!!!!! so i am very happy. i have driven once so far, and the gas pedal is a little more sensitive than i thought it would be. so yeah! that is my life so far. I will blog again soon!

SUMMER!!!

Well, summer is finally here, and I am looking forward to it! I just turned 17 on friday and what a great day it was. I spent the morning at the Balloon Festival with my friends and then i spent the afternoon going shopping with my mom, and playing frisbee with my dad. Then my family and i went to Olive Garden for dinner because i love Italian and the food there is wonderful:) My mom surprised me with a hot pink area rug for my room. I don't think my room can get any pinkier;) I also got Wii Sports Resort which i played for like four hours this weekend, and my brother Scott got me a book titled 100 Places In Italy Every Woman Should Go. it is like Italian heaven! then i went to borders and got an Italian Learning book, so i can finally learn the language! Scott also gave me a ride on his friends motorcycle! holy cow that was awesome!
This week I am flying, all by myself to Utah to see my brother Brent who is taking me to a David Archuleta concert!!! i am very excited to go! I am kind of nervous to fly because it is my first time, but i will love it! i can already tell. I got my final report card for Junior year, and i finished with all A's this entire year, and that bumped up my GPA! College watch out! because i am coming!
well, it is only the second week of summer, so luckily, it isn't passing by too quickly:) That is it for now! i will write again soon!

Just Waiting...

well, it is officially June and i am just waiting for school to be over! i am looking forward to my birthday, my friend coming here from Idaho, the balloon festival, movies, hanging out with friends and oh my gosh! i am just waiting. I will give some recent updates on what has happened in my life since March. In April i went to a mormon prom in Keizer and that was a total blast, i also took the ACT's and i am just anticipating the results. that was most of April. In may i had a choir concert that was disney themed, and it was amazing! i also lettered in choir! that is what i am most excited about. Also my nephew turned 4 and i can't believe it! he is such a big boy! and i got sick on the day of my voice recital but i was better by the end of the day, but i had only eaten a ritz cracker but that did not stop me from singing! i sang my heart out. so that is a brief update. As i said, i am waiting for June 16. just... waiting:)

Spring Break is here!!!

It is finally Spring Break and i am very excited! i don't really have any plans other than reading Harry Potter, singing and chilling either in my room or with my sister. i really hope that this will be a long week, because i DEFINITELY do not want it to end!

I am a one job girl again

Wednesday, February 16 i was finishing cleaning up after work, my second job, when my boss came in and talked to me. long story short i got my final paycheck and was let go from the job. The team there said i was not reaching the standards set for my job area. It was mentioned that my boss had never had to work so hard to get someone to do their job. i think that that was the part that hurt the most, because i thought i was getting better at completing each task that was set before me. On the plus side, the job was a huge stresser and it was taking a lot of time away from my first job, and i had no free time, but that is all over now so i don't feel as bad! it was a good experience working there because i feel that i gained work ethic and experience in a different field. luckily, i have my first job to fall back on, and i love it there! so, there are definitely more positives than negatives to my losing my second job. i hope that everything works out there, but i don't really have to worry about it! I will have more time for friends, school, and rotting my brain in front of the television like every teenager should be doing.

Second Semester

The second semester of my junior has finally started! my first day was Monday and i was very unsure about the teachers. My science teacher is really loud, and at first i wasn't sure how the class was going to be, but it turns out he is such a great teacher, full of energy and still very loud. In science i am studying the Earth because the class is called Earth and Space science. today in class we made Play Dough that we will be using to create the 5 layers of the earth. exciting i know:) i am taking Spanish 3 this year and it started out a bit rough, but it is getting better because i can actually understand some of the words my teacher is saying!!! So thus begins my second semester, and there is much more to come!

First Semester Over!!!

The first semester of my junior year is over!!! I ended with all A's, and now i will recycle as much of my first semester stuff as possible! I finished English and U.S. History, and I am looking forward to Spanish 3 and Earth and Space science!!! I am going to celebrate tonight with a Sonic shake and a movie:)