Well, I did it!!! I survived my first week of college, but not without great difficulty... as you can tell from my previous posts... I have had a lot of time to re-adjust my thinking and lots of time to pray for help and comfort... and I just gave in to reality! I finally realized that I can't turn back at this point so why cry and worry about something that I don't have to worry about yet! My classes are pretty good, but my favorite class (so far) is American Foundations learning about the constitution, the PROPER role of government, and I will be learning much more about how our country works. Or should work. After thinking about it, I feel that my interest in teaching is changing from History (although I love learning about the past) to political science or something along those lines. I just love learning about how things work in this country and in others, and I feel like I might want to teach it. Because honestly, someone needs to teach the kids (the kids... gosh I was one three months ago sitting in a high school classroom) how government should work. I mean, I didn't even know what checks and balances are! Wow. My thoughts might change further down the road, but at least I am trying to figure out what to do.
It was interesting though. In my apartment (that is weird to say) we have a full length mirror at the end of the hallway and as I was walking to exit the hallway to enter the kitchen, something caught my eye in the mirror... It was me... For the first time I saw my reflection and I saw someone different. I saw me, but I saw me as an eighteen year old in college growing up. I saw myself, for the first time, as an adult. I have never thought much about myself accomplishing great things, because I was never good in school, not popular, not the best at one certain thing, but I saw myself different. I saw myself as an eighteen year old taking a big step by going to college in a different state, living on my own away from my parents, and trying to do something that I am completely scared of. Something I never thought I would do. Looks like my parents raised me right, and my siblings didn't completely destroy me through the process. I hope that as this semester goes on, I will be able to continue to see myself as an eighteen year old adult with purpose and, finally, a little confidence to step out of my bubble. Like today, I sat by a guy in class instead of by myself or next to a girl! And I am going to go to the student center (the MC for future references) and do my homework there so I don't feel like I have been keeping myself cooped up in my apartment! Yay! I have to go to the library anyway, and the MC is right there, so why not. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can push myself to greater limits and really test my sense of duty (Pirates of Penzance;) to prove myself worthy to everyone I know and to myself. Maybe this is exactly what I need being here in college. A chance to figure myself out and get to know me as an adult, and not continue on with the adolescence I already know. Very well I might add... Not to say I don't still miss home, because I desperately long to be there and watch Ty and Ruby grow up and be apart of their lives even more than I already am!
Last night I facetimed with my sister so I could talk to her and the kids, and so I said goodnight to the kids and almost started to cry as I found out that Ty practically has a girlfriend, and Ruby is almost three, and then I talked with stephanie for about half an hour. Never have I loved her more than I do now. I talked to her like she is my best friend, and I realize that she is... I actually have three, my mom stephanie and tenley, but that isn't the point. The point is I have a big sister who loves and cares for me, and I love to hear everything that she has to say, especially about project runway;) I am so thankful that I have her as a sister and someone to look up to. I couldn't have asked for a better one, or for better timing on our relationship as friends and sisters. Thank you Stephanie for everything that you have done, and everything that you will do for me as I... learn about college life and the frustration that it will continue to bring me. Well, I better do my homework so I can watch a movie tonight!!! Yay for fridays:) Till next time, Content.
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