Today I finished my second day of college. Only my second day. I have a very strong feeling that this is going to be a very long three months. I am and have been super homesick, I am really scared of my history class, and I have been on my knees so much these past five days. College is hard, and a lot different than I thought it would be. I thought that when I got here, I would be in one of my classes sitting next to a guy who would start talking to me, we would get to know each other, and start dating. I also thought that I would have a different feeling of when I got here, and that all my questions would be answered. But reality is so much different than reality. I have maybe talked to two guys, met some cool people but haven't really clicked with anyone. My feelings since I have been here these past five days have been crazy ones. It might be my homesickness talking, but I keep wondering if by the end of the semester, I will find that being at a university and I don't get along well, but I keep asking myself why am I here? Is it to become a teacher like I know I am supposed to be? Is it to obey the prophet's words to get an education? Because knowledge will be what you take with you in the end. Is it to find an eternal companion? Or is it to test my faith and obedience and push myself to utter breakdowns every day I try my best? I was never really super excited to go to college, I was more scared, curious, and nervous about it.
Once I started moving my things in to my room, however, my nerves went to excitement, being ready to start a new adventure. And then my parents went home and I had an almost nervous breakdown about printing, I had my first class with a reading I didn't immediately understand I got stressed, and reality kicked in. It kicked in hard. What if I do find that I am not meant for college? or at least a big scary university? How can I become a teacher if I don't go, but what if I can't handle it, how am I supposed to become a teacher? I am also doubting that I want to be a history teacher... I think it might become more of a hobby, learning about history. But I can't answer any of these questions because it is only my second day here! Everyone said that I will have so much fun in college! And my parents were saying that I am meant to be here... How am I supposed to know? What am I supposed to do? Really I am just scared of the future, and not being able to see myself as a teacher. How am I supposed to become a teacher, if I can't see myself teaching? I really needed to let my thoughts out, and I hope those that read will keep me in their prayers, and pray to help me know what to do. I should probably finish my homework now... Sincerely, Undecided.
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